Amnesia and Great Expectations

 

Each day I marvel at what a bizarre place this realm is.

Amnesia is a key component to this place.  It keeps us off balance and unaware.  We forget our dreams.  We forget past lives.  We forget friends and family from our past.  We forget what we did yesterday.  We forget what we did last week.  We forget what we did last month, last year, last decade.  We especially forget our first 5-10 years of existence.

I have kept a journal for decades, writing my thoughts, experiences, and ideas. When I re-read them, it is as if I am not the one who wrote the words.  I struggle to remember people, places, experiences, etc, trying to RE-MEMBER myself.  It does help me to put Humpty Dumpty back together again..to realize who I was as a part of who I am. 

I am not a proponent of the NPC model.  I am a proponent of CHILDHOOD FEAR and TRAUMA model, the CFT moniker.

We are shocked into this place through hospital based childbirth.  We are naked surrounded by heartbeats, breaths, the reverberation of voice, and warm amniotic fluid in utero.   Then it all begins...

GREAT EXPECTATIONS to CONFORM   

Harsh artificial light

Sterility and plastic with artificial smells

Clothing

Genital Mutilation

Bloodletting

Hypovolemia 

Anemia

Needles and injections

and this is just the beginning foundation of the trauma yet to come.

we must rely on others for sustenance and warmth just to survive.

all we can do is cry and scream, perhaps a sign of our helplessness in the situation.

we see other adults around, as we struggle to understand who they are and what is their role in my life.

I wonder whether autism is a refusal to conform  and enter into the social contract of this place. 

CONFORMITY is a key concept in this place.

Learn to speak, 

learn to eat with said tools, 

learn to use a toilet, 

learn to wear socks, shoes, underwear, pants, dresses, shirts,

learn to be just like everyone else.

Carrot and stick, rewards and punishment. 

learn to sit in a chair quietly

Children are to be seen and not heard

Ushered into a church with incense, statues of a tortured figure hanging on a cross

the body of Christ...we are told to ingest...chanting, kneeling, mindlessly reciting mantras to men in robes.

SCREENS SCREENS SCREENS everywhere with their artificial movement, artificial colors, truly a simulacrum  

teaching all what this world is, the history, the ocean, the wild west, the wars, outer space...the 20th century version of the World's Fairs and Expositions.

everything you need to know to be a part of the CULT-ure.

then go to a government institution bussed away from home as a young  child to be indoctrinated, embarassed, bullied, and tortured by the other cult members.  Be indoctrinated to false stories, false science, and social conformity. ... FOR DECADES.

Take their tests, be evaluated by the 'teachers" and be punished or rewarded with GRADES.

TESTS TESTS TESTS TESTS.  IQ tests...I still have my framed NEDT certificates and report cards.

ACT SAT MCAT GED  TESTS TESTS  to be sure that you conform to their CULT-ure.

Watch sports, Watch movies, Celebrate their HOLYdays, VOTE

CONFORM

During this early period of indoctrination from birth to age 7, so little is RE-MEMBERED.

Why? Is it a defense mechanism of our spirit to firewall off the trauma of entering in to this place?